Consolidated "Remakes" rant thread -- Or, F#@k you, you no talent ass-clowns!

[Harry Caul]

There are multiple threads here about upcoming remakes (Clash, Wolfman, Straw Dogs, etc...).  This thread is for people to vent in.

First up: Escape from New York

Who wants to bet that this is going work out to be pretty much exactly like Death Race... all flash and 'style' and none of the gruff that made the original special.

The lack of originality in Hollywood is making me sick. Yes, I understand that there have always been remakes (Big Sleep, Breathless, Cleopatra, etc...).  Hell, I'll even admit that some of them are better than their predecessors (Fly, Thing, etc...).  However, in the past it seemed like remakes were few and far between, and were approached with genuine interest.  Now I feel like Hollywood is starving and is picking through the bare pantry of creativity trying to find something to eat...  Hmmm... we have three cans of lima beans... Ooo... PEAS!

Just. F#@king. Stop. Already.

[Harry Caul]

By the way, out of six movies in this section, 2/3rds are remakes and one is a cash-in sequel.

[Juli]

I was thinking the same thing recently. I have to admit, not everything is remakes or sequels these days, but it does seem that way with all the buzz focused on those movies. Most of the original movies do not get the attention they deserve, I mean there are a few that do (example the Hurt Locker) but all you hear about usually is Spider-Man, Iron Man, The Wolfman etc.

I am tired of people making money off this stuff. They can't make enough Spider-Man, Batman, Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, Shrek etc. movies. I think there should be a rule that you can only have three at max. Can you think of any sequel/prequel that followed a third movie that was actually good? I challenge you to come up with one. James Bond doesn't count.

I look forward to Toy Story 3, but I think 3 is enough. If they make a fourth one, even if the third if really good, I am still going to debate whether or not I should see it. I mean what's next a fifth one, and so on. Enough is enough.

~ Juli

[Carson]

An interesting poll would be to define which is worse: remakes of well established classics OR sequels. I'd almost have to say Hollywood is more consistent in floating bad sequels on the heels of commercially successful "part ones" than the remakes. What say you? I understand you're discussing upcoming titles but this is a great general subject> I'll start with those I genuinely appreciated:

King Kong: I greatly enjoyed the new King Kong though purists will always complain.

La Femme Nakita: Loved the The Point of No Return remake with Bridgette Fonda. I really dug Fonda's appraoch and Nina Simone soundtrack.

Italian Job: Had a ton of fun with these two films featuring Charlize Theron. Who doesn't like mini coopers flying out of sewage tunnels?

Thomas Crown Affair: Pierce and Rene Russo did it right. Not the best remake made to date but very well done.

And for the bombs:

Stepford Wives.. really? Sam Jackson as Shaft.. I think not. I love Sam but this attempt at cashing in on the classic is painfully cheap. And the award for greatest insult to the original:

Planet of the Apes: Who is that giant bone head from the Green Mile, oh yeah, Clark Duncan. Would love to hang out, Clark, but please stop acting. It's not your calling. Please return to the gym immediately.

Get Carter: Sylvestor Stallone replacing Michael Caine... let me just say.... BWHAHAHA. Take a hike, Rocky. Seriously. You don't have it. You are Rocky, you will always be Rocky, you are only good as Rocky. I will give you Cop Land. The rest have been milking the exhausted utters of the Rocky franchise going on, what, 30 years? Stop it, Sly, stop.

[Harry Caul]

I am tired of people making money off this stuff. They can't make enough Spider-Man, Batman, Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, Shrek etc.

Good point, I just read that Pirates 4 is definitely on today as well... minus Orlando and Kira, plus Depp and Penelope Cruz (?).  Another one of those "please stop already" moments. The first one was great.  The 2nd and 3rd were cheap smiles while my brain was like "WTF is going on here? Really? Wait... WTF? Really?"

[kovacs01]

I think we all owe a middle finger to Joel Silver.  He has some talent, but as we speak he has Logan's Run, Forbidden Planet, and Dirty Dozen in development.  Come on man, get an original idea!

[scartacus]

Whilst the remake of Pelham 123 is by no means as bad as any of those stinkers listed here -- it's okay -- it does seem TOTALLY pointless. It's well shot, there are some okay scenes...but WHY? WHY NOW? Every movie needs to answer that question and if it's just a question of a studio trying to milk their back catalogue...

I don't know if "reboots" deserve their own category but there have been some solid ones recently -- the Dark Knight is an obvious one, and I was pleasantly surprised by Star Trek.

Hulk 1 and Superman are examples of what happens when it just doesn't quite work. I didn't bother to see Hulk 2 because of the yawn factor.

Sony recently announced that are now looking to re-reboot Spiderman. (Maguire and Raimi are out) And last year Warners were talking about re-rebooting Superman. But can they answer the question --WHY?! 

[paul waines]

I know we are all slaging films off here, But I must just agree with Juli about Hurt locker. What a great film, my grilfriend and me laughed so much when it hammered Avitar at the BAFTA'S. In your face Cameron.

If you have not seen this film yet, do catch it, you will not be dissapointed.

[Dr Hackenbush]

An interesting poll would be to define which is worse: remakes of well established classics OR sequels. I'd almost have to say Hollywood is more consistent in floating bad sequels on the heels of commercially successful "part ones" than the remakes. What say you? I understand you're discussing upcoming titles but this is a great general subject> I'll start with those I genuinely appreciated:

King Kong: I greatly enjoyed the new King Kong though purists will always complain.

La Femme Nakita: Loved the The Point of No Return remake with Bridgette Fonda. I really dug Fonda's appraoch and Nina Simone soundtrack.

Italian Job: Had a ton of fun with these two films featuring Charlize Theron. Who doesn't like mini coopers flying out of sewage tunnels?

Thomas Crown Affair: Pierce and Rene Russo did it right. Not the best remake made to date but very well done.

And for the bombs:

Stepford Wives.. really? Sam Jackson as Shaft.. I think not. I love Sam but this attempt at cashing in on the classic is painfully cheap. And the award for greatest insult to the original:

Planet of the Apes: Who is that giant bone head from the Green Mile, oh yeah, Clark Duncan. Would love to hang out, Clark, but please stop acting. It's not your calling. Please return to the gym immediately.

Get Carter: Sylvestor Stallone replacing Michael Caine... let me just say.... BWHAHAHA. Take a hike, Rocky. Seriously. You don't have it. You are Rocky, you will always be Rocky, you are only good as Rocky. I will give you Cop Land. The rest have been milking the exhausted utters of the Rocky franchise going on, what, 30 years? Stop it, Sly, stop.

I, too, liked Jackson's King Kong, even though I felt Jack Black wasn't right for the movie.  I love the way Jackson shoots action sequences, especially when Kong fought the dinosaurs and the battle atop the Empire State Building.  I also liked the remake of Get Carter.  Great movie?  No, but it was entertaining and, at the time, I had no idea it was a remake.  Hollywood has been remaking movies for decades:  King Of Kings, Ben-Hur, Three Godfathers (remade 3 times), Wizard Of Oz, Robin Hood (remade countless times), Dr. Jeckyl & Mr. Hide, Hunchback Of Notre Dame, etc.  W.C. Fields remade some his of his silent movies after the advent of talking pictures because he knew the material was good.  It's really about have a story that the studio knows has worked in the past and tweaking/updating it for a new audience.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  

[paul waines]

The Doc is spot on about Jack Black, what the hell was Jacko thinking!!!!! ( I'll give my friend some work ) Carl Denham was the driving force behind the first Kong movie, and should have been again.

 Yes I am one of the purists Mr Carson mentioned above. I would rather watch the 1976 version than this again. Jacko was suppose to be a huge fan of the original movie and he makes this.................er......film.

 I am hoping I run into Jacko at some point to let him know what I think of his homage to the 1933 classic.

[Harry Caul]

I also liked the remake of Get Carter.

With all due respect good doctor... I'm going to pretend you didn't just write that.

[paul waines]

I think I went blind for a moment when I got to that bit.

[Dr Hackenbush]

Everyone has guilty pleasures   

[scartacus]

I'm another huge fan of The Hurt Locker. Bigelow's career is back where it belongs -- ie the stratosphere . For a moment, it looked like she wouldn't recover from Weight of Water and K-19, which is possibly the worst submarine movie ever made. How did they screw that up? 

[stewart boyle]

Tony Scott is re doing The Warriors, now i loved the original but the various gangs are hilariously camp... oh no baseball mime dudes.....etc.
Hopefully the remake will be a touch more realistic in this aspect..

Stew

[stewart boyle]

Ps.. the Coen bros have a True Grit remake in the pipeline...

Stew

[Harry Caul]

Let’s see if we can’t pull together of a list of all the movies that have been remade since 2000, shall we?  I set the cutoff at 2000 as I’m trying to focus on the most recent trend of plundering our fine childhood memories.  And only straight remakes/reboots, meaning I’m not counting Predators or the Thing prequel (although that is probably just as offensive to me).  I’m looking at you Mr. ‘lets film a prequel to Alien’ Ridley Scott…

So what am I missing?

30s Remakes

• King Kong

40s Remakes

• All the King’s Men

50s Remakes

• House of Wax
• 3:10 to Yuma
• Day the Earth Stood Still
• War of the Worlds
• In Progress: Rififi
• In Progress: Sunset Boulevard

60s Remakes

• The Italian Job
• Planet of the Apes
• Alfie
• Rumored: Barbarella
• True Grit

70s Remakes

• Halloween
• Halloween II
• Black Christmas
• The Longest Yard
• Willard
• Get Carter
• Deathrace 2000
• Last House on the Left
• The Hills Have Eyes
• The Hills Have Eyes II
• The Taking of Pelham 123
• Assault on Precinct 13
• Texas Chainsaw Massacre
• Bad News Bears
• Dawn of the Dead
• Gone in 60 Seconds
• The Omen
• Piranha
• Rollerball
• Walking Tall
• In Progress: The Warriors
• In Progress: I Spit on Your Grave

80s Remakes

• Nightmare on Elm Street
• Friday the 13th
• April Fools Day
• Prom Night
• The Fog
• Hitcher
• Clash of the Titans
• Fame
• In Progress: Escape from New York
• In Progress: Red Dawn
• In Progress: Red Sonja
• In Progress: Conan
• In Progress: The Fly (which was also a remake)

[stewart boyle]

Another in progress, is The Dambusters,Peter Jackson Directing a Stephen Fry screenplay..but you can include The Amityville Horror 2005

Stew

[Zorba]

Good job on the list Harry. I knew it was too many movies but thats too too too many...The only one I can think of off the top my head thats missing is An Affair To Remember.

Some of that is pretty pathetic. Seriously what on earth makes these assholes remake The Bad News Bears? I mean besides pure laziness and greed?

They are some pretty gutless and unimaginative people.

[Dr Hackenbush]

WOLFMAN (2010)

[paul waines]

Bedazzled, Halloween, The wicker man, Shaft, 13 ghosts, I'm sure there's a lot more. Oh,... My bloody valantine, does Piranha 3-d count? 

I must say I do like the Wolfman ( directors cut ) remake.

[paul waines]

oops, two of those are on your list Harry.

[brude]

OCEAN'S 11 comes to mind...

[brude]

Actually, aren't big-screen adaptations of old TV shows even more offensive?

THE AVENGERS
WILD WILD WEST
DUKES OF HAZZARD
CHARLIE'S ANGELS
and on and on and on...

I did like THE ADDAMS FAMILY, though...

[Dr Hackenbush]

My Favorite Martian
Beverly Hillbillies
Flintstones
Josie And The Pussyctas
Scooby Doo
A-Team